An Act of Desperation
by Erroneous Bard
Summary: "Kakashi ignored the way that pink little tongue slipped out from between those smooth lips and licked away the sticky syrupy liquor. Well, he tried to ignore it . For a whole half of a second anyways. It was really a fruitless effort. Through one heavy lidded eye, he found himself gazing at her in spite of his attempts not to." [Kakashi/Sakura]


**Inspiration:** _Love you like a love song- Selena Gomez_

_"Constantly, you play through my mind like a symphony, there's no way to describe what you do to me. / A song that goes on and on."_

**Pairing:** _Kakashi/Sakura_

**Theme:** _Romance/Drama/Minor Angst I suppose._

**Rating:** _T for Teen, yo. L for Language._

**Notes:** _Mildly AU. I mean, if you consider the fact that they probably won't be shagging each other senseless any time in the canon future-(which is unfortunate). But otherwise, somewhere in late Shippuden, possibly after. Also, Sasuke is back in Konoha in this, which will be apparent when you read it. Don't worry about why or when he returned. Not really important. In this story, Sasuke is just a means to an end. A fairly predictable story, but I like it, because I like this ship. Actually I think this ship sails it's fucking self. Predictable storyline, or not. Kakashi and Sakura are unstoppable! _

_Aiming for about 20-30 chapters eventually._

* * *

_[& I keep hittin' re-pe-pe-pe-peat]_

* * *

She was so _sweet_.

Like fucking _candy_.

Kakashi ignored the way that pink little tongue slipped out from between those smooth lips and licked away the sticky syrup. Well, he tried to ignore it. For a whole .2 seconds anyways. It was really a fruitless effort. Through one heavy lidded eye, he found himself gazing at her in spite of his attempts not to.

In a frustrated sweep, he lifted his cup of sake to his lips and downed it in one go. Naruto, who was sitting beside him to his right, laughed and slapped him on the back, making a comment about how cool he was and how well he held his alcohol. If only Sakura considered him as cool, maybe she would stand up and sit in his lap. Maybe _he _would be the one to lick away that sticky sweet syrup from her pretty pink lips.

_Kakashi, you are one sick old man_. He shook his head, which only briefly made clear his imagination from scenes of his pink little friend- who was once his freaking student for crying out loud -doing naughty things with him. What a lecher he was.

Probably didn't help that he was _drunk_. He was holding his alcohol well. He wasn't the kind of drunk to hiccup and laugh and drool and hit on young girls. No he was really only the kind to dream inappropriate daydreams about them. But outwardly, he was totally professional. It was probably almost unnoticeable that he was drunk at all actually.

"Sakura, you have a mission with that stupid bastard tomorrow don't you?" Naruto chirped from his side, and Kakashi shifted his eyes towards the petite girl before him.

His now 19 year old _friend_- _Not student_, he constantly reminded himself- bit her lip in a fashion that made his throat go dry. In an effort to wet it again, he slid yet more sake down it, before returning his attention to her. "Yeah, it's probably going to be a week long mission." She echoed, and then sipped on a drink herself.

She also held her alcohol well, Kakashi noted. Sakura never seemed to get sloppy drunk. He had seen many young ladies who slobbered, or giggled loudly, and did inappropriate things. Sakura just seemed to gather a pink glow about her cheeks, and become sweet. So sweet, and affectionate.

Kakashi didn't like the thought of her going on a mission alone with just Sasuke. He wasn't positive, but he was somewhat sure she still had feelings for the last Uchiha. Maybe- he told himself it was anyways- it was just because he was drunk, but he felt jealous. Hot jealousy cut through him towards Sasuke. Envy over the fact that the kid would be alone for a week or so with this creature before him. The one who every time she moved, he felt her foot brush over his own beneath the table.

Naruto beside him snorted at her words, and Kakashi wanted to snort with him. He agreed with the reaction even though it brought an irritated pinkness to Sakura's cheeks. "That bastard will probably ruin the mission with his negativity. I would hate to be alone with that ice cube for so long. I'm sorry for you Sakura. Maybe I can get Tsunade to put me in the mission with ya. Just like old times?" He said the words all so quickly, and with a mildly drunken slur, but they were genuinely Naruto. So true to his happy, outgoing and cheerful personality, as the boy who had loved Sakura since they were kids.

Kakashi tried not to think of all the people who had loved or felt attracted to Sakura before, Naruto and himself included. He was very, very reluctant to include himself among that particular group of people. Regardless of the fact that her rush of "No, Naruto, don't do that," made his stomach unsettled.

"Seriously," she continued, "Don't worry about it, Naruto." Which Kakashi knew really meant, _"No Naruto, I want to be alone with Sasuke." _

Kakashi was annoyed with his own conclusion of her words, and immediately tried to ignore them. Rather he focused on Naruto, and not the buzz of alcohol in his system, nor the way Sakura was making him feel.

Naruto looked hurt as he also downed a deep glass of Sake. "Alright...Geez. I was only trying to help." He chimed, his blond hair askew and his spirit suddenly muted a bit.

Somehow, Kakashi knew how that felt. To feel diluted by Sakura and her somewhat obvious still present affections towards Sasuke.

Kakashi closed his eyes against the intrusion of annoyance upon accepting the fact. The fact that he was jealous, yet _again _within the span of 5 minutes, of Sakura's feelings for Sasuke. Never before, and never again- at least he told himself so- would he be jealous for a man 20 years his junior, over a girl also 20 years his junior.

_Stop being attracted to your former student, you idiot. _Though, Kakashi couldn't deny the even smaller voice even further back in his head that echoed the word, _former_, quietly. _Former student. Not your student anymore Kakashi. _

Fair game. Open field. _She isn't your student anymore_.

He snapped the thoughts away by ordering and as soon as it arrived, devouring another shot of alcohol. Way too much actually. He felt the sting of liquor strongly diluting his rationality, and it was beginning to make his night miserable.

Having enough of all of this inner commotion the pink haired girl was stirring inside of him, he slammed his two hands on the table in front of him rather abruptly, and noisily.

The suddenness of the motion made Sakura jump, Kakashi noted. Stupidly noted. He noted every fucking thing she did. Why did he do that? Even drunk and dull he noted it.

"Get some sleep before your mission." He told Sakura, mostly because he wanted to talk to her before leaving. He promptly stepped away from the table and shoved his possibly treacherous hands into his pockets. "I'm turning in." He informed his once-students with a closed-eye'd smile. He opened his one eye to the sight of Sakura peering up at him. Her pink cheeks, made him want to drink her up. Her lips parted slightly in mild surprise made him want to scoop her into his arms and kiss her even more abruptly. Give her something to really be surprised about.

He settled for lifting his hand in a lazy wave goodbye, and turned his back on that pretty creature. _Stupid Kakashi. You're...fucking...stupid._

He walked in a mildly crooked pattern, in a drunk and slightly depressed stupor back to his apartment. _Just stop trying to fuck your former student, and maybe you won't feel like this. You idiot._

His apartment was actually very close to Sakura's apartment. He would often hear her on her way back from work, or from a bar with Naruto, drunk and happy, giggling the whole way. He would listen to her from his window. Her voice fluttering in with the moonlight, torturing him. As he thought of what she would feel like, and taste like.

The silent darkness of his apartment remained as he entered and slammed the door behind himself. He didn't bring any light to it, he simply walked through the darkness and straight into his bedroom. Face first, he planted himself in bed, breathing in the stale loneliness of his covers, which smelled like clean laundry, and himself.

He tried to imagine what they'd smell like if Sakura were in the recently. Slid quietly, smoothly between his blankets, with her pink hair draped across the pillow that his nose was now pressed into. He knew she smelled like cherry shampoo and often times, disinfectant, if you caught her a few hours after work.

Leave it to Kakashi, a man who felt a perpetual distress towards hospitals, to fall for a girl who smelled like one. Who spent all of her free time there. Who practically _was _that hospital. Could it even operate without her there to run it?

He grunted into his pillow as he realized that he was still thinking of her.

And then there was a knock at his door. It was almost like he was a puppet and someone had jerked the cords that controlled his hands and legs. He scrambled in a helpless, subconscious and desperate, almost comical way towards the door.

He paused for a moment and gathered himself as he reached it, with his hand on the doorknob. Structuring himself into a serious, average Kakashi-esque fashion, he closed his eyes in a squinty smile before opening it. "Yo."

Much like your first gulp of alcohol of the night, he reached by coughing mildly, and his one eye opening in a moderately surprised way. "I just wanted to make sure you made it home." He was gazing like a fish out of water, blinking unnaturally, at Sakura Haruno. Her cheeks were just as pink as they had been when he left her at the bar. "You were sort of wobbling as you left. I know you're pretty drunk." She said sweetly, quietly, sheepishly. Almost like she was still a kid and not a woman now.

Kakashi took a deep breath to get some oxygen back to his brain, before he released it. "Oh." He stood with one arm hanging limply at his side, and the other still holding the door knob, "I made it." He added after a moment's hesitation.

She laughed nervously, and he thought that if the sound were a drug he would be high from it. "Good."

He recognized briefly how bizarre this conversation, and entire situation was. But then again, he _was _pretty drunk. She took a step backwards like she was about to leave and suddenly he realized he didn't want her to. Though viscerally there was no change on the one visible eye, he tensed very slightly. "Sakura," He called her name very softly, humor coloring his words, "Don't worry about me. I can hold my alcohol." He told her carefully, and wondered immediately if they were the right words.

Her green eyes searched the corner of visible skin, and his black eye gaze down at her. He watched discreetly as those eyes shifted to his Hitai-ate, which fell safely over his sharingan. He wanted to lift the band up and reveal that portion of his face to her, but he thought better of it.

Instead he watched captured by her beauty, as she shortly shot her eyes down at his mask which covered his lips. Though her eyes were only there one moment, he felt his lips tingling as he imagined the thoughts he wanted her to be thinking. He wondered if she was also wondering what his lips were like.

"Sakura," He said after a moment, his eyes creasing closed again. "Is there something I can do for you?" He asked. Though he could look at her forever, he didn't quite understand what she was doing at his door, especially at this hour. Not to mention while he was this drunk, and wanted her this badly. It wasn't a good combination.

He felt his hand trembling with nerves.

"I..." She paused; her own hands at her sides were curled up into a loose ball. "I don't know what to do." She said vaguely. He sighed. He really didn't know if his patience could handle this at the moment.

Still looking at her smooth skin and her bright green eye immediately dissolved his resolve to keep her away and he gave in. He took a step back and swung the door open wide. She smiled at him, and he felt complete in that moment.

Stepping past him, he marveled at how delicious she smelled. It was like she was converting all of the area around her into this heavenly place to be.

He fought the immediate and unwanted urge to pick her up into his arms and toss her into his bed. To show her just how much she had changed in his eyes. She wasn't the same little girl she had once been, and he more than anyone recognized this.

Shutting the door behind him, he watched her wander into his living area a little awkwardly. Her hand was pressed to her chest as she stood near the middle of the room. She made no move to sit down on the cushions that were just to the right of her.

He simply waited for her to talk, drifting near her, but he didn't dare move any closer for fear of himself.

She looked over at him, shrouded in his shadowed room- he hadn't cut any light on, which was probably a bad idea- and gazed at the way the darkness couldn't mask her beauty. Mildly struck by the perilous realization that he wanted to lean in and kiss her at this moment, he was distracted by her small voice. "I don't want to go on the mission tomorrow."

He was moderately bewildered by the statement. "Oh." Kakashi slurred, rather unintelligently. "Why's that?" Really, it was very surprising. He assumed she would want every second she could get with him.

For a moment, she seemed almost unsure of herself. He couldn't decide if she was unsure of herself, or just the fact that she was standing in his living room at this hour of night telling him- of all people- this.

And then she was speaking again. Telling him her feelings, confiding in him. He was drunk, but what such a thing meant wasn't lost on him. She was telling him about Sasuke, and how she felt around the boy. How nervous she was that Sasuke would think she was weak, how annoyed she felt she would grow if he was as cold and calculating as he normally was.

Kakashi stood silently, swaying slightly with intoxication and happiness as he watched her. How pretty she was. How she was trusting in him.

It was like a flood gate. She wasn't emotional, but she was open. Her words were simply flowing. Getting off of her chest all the worries she'd ever had about Sasuke, which lead to her explaining so many things she felt were weak about herself.

There wasn't an actual moment when he told himself to walk towards her; he simply did so without his own permission. His legs acted of their own accord to take him to her, and he was standing much closer to her because she was so beautiful, and sweet like a flower, that he couldn't be away from her any longer. It was like he needed to stand near her.

"Sakura, this is crazy." He interrupted her lightly, his tone only mildly disapproving.

She turned those mint green eyes up at him and he gave her a crooked smile, though it was covered by his mask. "You shouldn't let Sasuke have power over you like this." He meant it. He meant it so strongly it almost turned his smile into a frown as he thought about it. "You're not a kid anymore. You need to act like an adult. Ninja cannot allow emotions to influence their judgment, or their sense of self." He realized that it might be hypocritical to say such words to her when he himself was battling over his feelings. His feelings that had developed for her somewhere along the line, somehow.

Again, somehow without his permission, his hand naturally lifted up and peeled back his hitai-ate so that he could peer down at her with his Sharingan. With both of his eyes uncovered he looked down at the pretty pink hair and green eyes, which even in the dim lights of the room, were bright and noticeable.

She didn't speak in response to his words, which was a little unsettling.

Rather she reached her hand up and settled it on his sleeve, her thin fingers gripping the dark fabric of his shirt. There was no skin on skin contact. In fact, there was technically no contact at all, but it sent a burst of chills shooting along his spin. As if she had outright grabbed his face and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips. That's exactly what the directly sweet, fragile contact made him feel like, and to his intoxicated state, it was shocking. Spell-binding.

He cleared his throat. "Sakura..." He breathed her name, hoping she would hear it and step away, but for a long moment after he said her name, in that almost pleading manner, she didn't move. Her hand stayed gripped onto his clothes and her head remained angled down towards their feet.

When she tilted her chin up, and her eyes met his, he had to force himself to swallow. In a desperate attempt to swallow down the urge to pick her up and squeeze her. To force all of his want into her, and share his feelings.

She looked very grateful. No tears, or blubbering, but genuine happiness inside of her. Like his words had soothed her in the deepest of manners.

"Kakashi..." He took a second to try and remember when she had stopped calling him _"Kakashi-sensei.", _but couldn't pinpoint an exact memory. He wondered why she called him Kakashi. Naruto and Sasuke still called him by his old title, even though it was outdated. Kakashi-sensei was an inappropriate title he told them, but still they insisted, saying it felt weird. Sakura however, had some time stopped calling him by that name. He wondered why. Why didn't it feel weird for her to move on from being teacher and student, to just friends. On a first name, informal basis.

He pondered what it could mean for a moment before she felt her hand begin to slip away from him. For a moment he wanted to grab her, to stop her, but he didn't.

It would be inappropriate to do so.

Her fingers let go of the fabric of his sleeve and he curled his fingers into fists at their absence.

He thought the moment was lost, suddenly just a memory, before he felt something that made him go rod strait, with tense muscles. It was like watching a disaster fold out before him. Her hands came up and she stepped into him. Those slender arms wrapped around his waist, and she pressed her forehead against his chest. He went absolutely still. Like a statue, with his hands hanging dumbly at his side and his eyes squeezed shut as he strained.

She didn't mean it. Not like he wanted her to. She didn't want what he wanted, and this hug wasn't the kind of hug he wanted it to be.

His back muscles tensed and a frown took over his features. His sharingan spun a little quicker, to match his pulse. Kakashi wondered if she could feel his heart through his vest. It was beating too quickly. Too quickly to be normal.

He shouldn't feel like this.

And then, again like he was just a puppet and something was master controlling him, his arms were circled around her shoulders and he was holding her against him. Comforting her as she wanted to be comforted, regardless of how much it hurt to think that she didn't want what he did.

She looked up at him. He could feel her chin moving, and resting on his chest. He looked straight ahead for a moment, gathering himself, before tilting his eyes down to her. He gave her a very platonic, close eyed smile. "Sakura, I do believe I'm drunk. I should go to sleep." He told her, his voice strained, in spite of how strongly he wanted it to sound normal. Like this was totally okay with him.

She looked a little put off. Her shoulders, which his arms were still resting against, shrunk a little, and a very soft frown touched her pretty features. He very promptly and difficultly dropped his hands away from her and stepped back. Her arms fell away from him without resistance and even that annoyed him. Made him angry at himself for letting them come up.

For letting himself believe that hugging her would be okay. That it wouldn't bite him in the ass.

"Go to bed Sakura. You have a mission tomorrow." He told her. He was already walking away from her. He reached the door and pried it open. It almost took all of his strength. Fighting the urge to keep her locked in there with him forever.

And then she was walking towards him. He could hear her steps. They were steady, and brisk. Despite her obvious confusion, she stopped at the door and gave him a gentle smile. Her hand came up to touch his shoulder again and he fought the urge to jerk it away from the touch. "Thanks, Kakashi."

The words were like poison. Seeping into the deep wounds of his heart. He nodded tiredly. "Sleep." He told her, and stepped out of her reach, in case she tried to touch him again.

It wasn't long before she was out the door and he had shut it behind her. With the space between them growing he stood silently in the dark, wondering why something like this would happen to him.

To him of all people.

Why would he fall for her? Like the pervert he was, he supposed; to fall for his former student.

He was asking for this to happen. Had been since the day he began to see her as a friend, rather than the same 12 year old he watched grown up. The day he crossed that barrier inside of himself, he asked for this misery.

To fall for a girl who would never see him as more than an old man.

Kakashi frowned and wondered into his bedroom again, flopping down onto the bed in the familiar self-loathing way, once again noticing the way his bed smelled like it always did. Like himself.

Not, in fact, like Sakura.


End file.
